I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
porn star boner night. come get it.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
