Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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