I'd wear matching sweaters with you
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
