He asked me if I "almost moaned"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
