You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
