To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
