just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
