I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
