Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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