my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
