I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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