So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
