I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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