We won't sleep together?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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