She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
