Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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