Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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