Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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