my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
