Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
