You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
