Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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