we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
i now understand why vodka
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
