I need to stop coming to work sober
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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