Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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