Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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