he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
