he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
we're making bets on your personal life
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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