There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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