At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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