I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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