weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
