just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
