smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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