it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
