It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
