i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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