Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I came so hard my ears popped.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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