I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
