highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I AM VODKA MAN
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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