i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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