i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
either way he was missing a nipple.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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