i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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