I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
