it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
