so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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