Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
false alarm, still single
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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