but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
