Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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