...so i touched it.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Randomize
