i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
