...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
