I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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