You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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