I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
