You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
There's always time for handjobs
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
