No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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