Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
