This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
