last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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