I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize