i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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