You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
