Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
