i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
