Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
