I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
