I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
