I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
