My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
