i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
