I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
