you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
